December 2008
32 posts
“Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without...”
– —George Sand
Almost 3 years with him…and this pretty much sums up what I’ve learned.
Merry Christmas :)
I only really got one thing I wanted for Christmas…materialistically speaking. But I got more love than need have. Not to mention I laughed too hard to remember. And I smiled more than I thought possible.
I love you. Every single one of you.
I don’t know about you…but this year sucked. Absolutely sucked. And I’ve beeeeeen ready to start the new one. 2009 where art thou?
...
9 to 30
Its like I went from 9 years old to 30. I’m tired. I’m tired of a mother that wants me to feel sorry for her day in and day out. I’m tired of a father that is going no where fast. I’m tired of paying her bills. Of paying his bills. Of taking them here and there. Of getting yelled at for her responsibilities. Of being critizied for everything. Of her complaining that...
Jessie's in Illinois
Cary: How's Jessie?
Sam: ::shrugs:: I talked to him Tuesday night when he got to Illinois and I have haven't heard from him since.
Sam: It's been a long week. I thought coming home would make it better...
James: ::looks down at Valeska::
Valeska: ::holds back tears and starts facing reality::
Closer closer closer closer
“Should I give up? Or should I keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads no where…”
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And...”
– Edward Everett Hale. Oh the New Year :)
:D
Key West Baybay.
Scuba diving, para-sailing, jet skiing, shopping, massages, amazing beaches, aaaaaaaaaaalone time! I’m quite excited. Lets hope it all goes according to plan :)
March 13-17
I was looking up tickets to go to New York today. We came to the agreement that it would be the ideal place to spend my birthday before he departs a couple weeks after :(
But then I thought about it. I started picking dates, and hotels and making daily plans…and it just felt empty. Like there’s somewhere else we’re meant to go. So I’m gonna sit back and let it find me....
What I'm getting myself into
Me: I'm nervous
Him: I know...
Me: I try not to think about it, because I'm so scared. But then I get scared that if I don't think about now...it'll all be too hard then.
Him: I'm sorry.
Him: You can move out and I'll help you pay.
Me: I don't want to live by myself.
Him: I'll still send you money ::smiles::
Me: Can't you just send yourself in one of those envelopes?
Him: I'm afraid not.
Me: That's stupid.
No air
When you’re sitting there and you stumble upon things you shouldn’t stumble upon. When you’re minding your own business and all of a sudden you come across something…and the pain hits you so hard your left with no air.
Somedays…I suffocate myself with those things. Those are the worst days. I have to convince myself to stop dwelling. Dwelling isn’t forgiving....
The world.
I was watching the trailer for Seven Pounds and I loved the part where he says something like, “because I have a feeling you deserve it.”
I was thinking about how I’ve been raised by, and stumbled on some pretty amazing people. People whom I think deserve the world. If I had a choice I’d give them that world. I’d give mom a career. Because I know that if anyone in...
Lies
Father: She doesn't know the difference between a lie and a coincidence.
Me: No...not when there's a 'coincidence' for every time.
Father: If I said I would take her here but I suddenly had a job to get done...that's not a lie!
Me: But after a million times...it gets old. And whether it's a lie or not...it's lost hope. She lost hope.
Father: You ever had anyone lose hope in you?
Me: Yes,
Father: How did it feel?
Me: Like a broken heart.
Father: You ever had your heart broken?
Me: Shattered.
Father: You ever broken someone's heart?
Me: Yes...and he lost hope in me.
Father: And how do you feel now?
Me: Well...Dad...sometimes things don't go as you plan. And even though you were the one to mess up...after someone loses hope in you, you just have to keep going. Especially when you always fall short. If you know in your heart what your intentions really are...and you know you love...then you keep going.
Father: So you moved on?
Me: No (laughs)
Father: So you're gonna keep trying...?
Me: Until I get it right.
Father: So you're saying that even though they've lost hope in you...your hope can be enough for the both of you.
Me: Yes.
Father: How'd you get so wise?
Me: By losing hope in you.
Father: (smiles)
Presents
I love giving presents :)
Yay!
stop and catch your breath
Have you ever been so entirely happy that you become scared? Like at any moment it can just be all taken away?
That’s how I feel. I keep praying and keeping my head up. Having faith, being hopeful. But my mind slips and the fear creeps up day in and day out. I am so ecstatically happy. I feel so fullfilled. So joyful. When I really sit and think about it…I scare the living day lights...
Panic
It can take your breath away.
Work didn’t make me too happy today. I’m reeeeally tired.
:(
“I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.”
– Carl Sandburg
$20,000
I get nervous when you talk about it. And the thing is…I can think about it all day everyday and it’s wonderful. But the minute you mention it…I’m scared and nervous and can’t catch my breath.
I don’t know why. This is why I try so hard not to think about the future. Once I get too ahead of myself the rest just seems pointless. It’s a bad habit I wish I...
“Never think that God’s delays are God’s denials.”
“Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a...”
– someone smart.
“At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for...”
– For us all.
“Everything that needs to happen, will happen, in the time that it takes to...”
– blogger
“I’m sorry for breaking us. I’m sorry for comparing you to all you...”
– Me. An apology that was way past overdue.
08/09
Opportunity is just outside the door. All you have to do is go and open it. If it doesn’t seem to budge…look for a window.
A place that will change it all. Tampa is the opportunity to see if we’ve put our eggs in the right basket. It’s the perfect way to make a life-altering decision. Go far away from all we’ve known…with the one person we’ve wanted to...